United States Minor Outlying Islands: Where Boredom Goes To Die…

United States Minor Outlying Islands: Where Boredom Goes to Die

TL;DR: If you're looking for excitement, stay away from these tiny, forgotten islands. They're about as interesting as watching paint dry, but with more birds and mosquitoes.

The Island of Navassa: Where Birds Rule the Roost

Navassa is a bird sanctuary, home to around 50,000 seabirds who are probably the only ones having fun here. The only other residents are guano miners, who work tirelessly to collect the bird poop that has accumulated over millions of years. Just when you thought bird feces couldn't get any less exciting, Navassa delivers.

The Midway Atoll: Where the Plastic Tide Never Ends

Midway is a sliver of an island where the plastic waste from the Pacific Ocean washes ashore like an environmental nightmare. Besides a few thousand Black-footed albatrosses, the only other residents are scientists who study the effects of plastic pollution and wonder why anyone would want to live in such a dystopian wasteland.

The Palmyra Atoll: Where Coconuts Grow on Trees

Palmyra is a coconut paradise, but who cares? The only people who visit are scientists who study coral reefs and the occasional kayaker who gets lost and wonders if they'll ever find civilization again. Seriously, if you're into coconuts, just buy them at the grocery store.

The Johnston Atoll: Where Birds Are the Only Audience

Johnston Atoll is a former military base that's now a wildlife refuge. The only residents are migratory birds who flock here during the winter months. We can't blame them for choosing Johnston over Navassa, but it's not exactly the most thrilling place to be.

The Wake Island: Where You Can Watch the Sunset… and That's It

Wake Island is a small Pacific outpost that's home to around 100 people. The main attraction is the sunset, which is admittedly quite beautiful. But after the sun goes down, there's nothing to do but sit in the dark and hope for a miracle.

The Baker Island: Where the Only Entertainment Is Birdwatching

Baker Island is a tiny speck in the Pacific Ocean that's home to a few thousand birds. The only other residents are researchers who study the birds and wonder why they can't just fly to a more interesting island. But hey, if you're into birdwatching, this is your paradise.

The Howland Island: Where History Is Asleep

Howland Island is a remote Pacific island that's mostly covered in scrubland. The only thing that makes it slightly less boring is the fact that it was once a stopover for Amelia Earhart. But don't get your hopes up, because there's nothing left to see but a few ruins and a whole lot of disappointment.

If You Know, You Know…

Why did the United States claim these tiny, boring islands?

Because they needed a place to park their nuclear waste and test their weapons.

The Grand Finale: A Symphony of Boredom

So there you have it, the United States Minor Outlying Islands in all their glory. If you're looking for a thrilling vacation, head elsewhere. But if you're into birdwatching, collecting guano, or simply staring at the ocean, these islands are the perfect destination for you. Just don't say we didn't warn you.