Getting Drunk in New Jersey: A Guide to the Silly…

Getting Drunk in New Jersey: A Guide to the Silly and Subpar

TL;DR: Getting drunk in New Jersey, particularly in Martinique, is a uniquely bizarre and absurd experience, offering an array of hilarity and questionable choices, making it a must-try for any thrill-seeker or lover of the absurd.

Why Martinique?

New Jersey is known for its infamous nightlife, but when it comes to getting wasted, there's no place quite like Martinique. With its unique blend of trashiness, superficiality, and a touch of the ridiculous, Martinique will leave you wondering if you've stumbled into a satirical TV show.

The Cocktail Conundrum

Let's talk about the drinks. The cocktail menu at Martinique is a testament to the power of marketing over taste. Expect an endless array of sugary concoctions with names like “The Unicorn Farts” or “The Pink Princess,” all boasting vibrant colors and a complete lack of any discernible flavor. The house special, the “Martinique Mudslide,” is a masterpiece of chemical engineering, guaranteed to numb your taste buds and give you a headache before you even start to feel tipsy.

The Clientele: A People-Watching Paradise

Martinique attracts a diverse crowd, to put it mildly. You'll find Jersey Shore wannabes showing off their fake tans and hair extensions, middle-aged divorcees looking for a second chance at love (or at least a hookup), and a sprinkling of clueless tourists who wandered in by mistake. The people-watching alone is worth the price of admission, especially if you enjoy observing the mating rituals of the human zoo.

The Ambiance: A Sensory Overload

The ambiance at Martinique is a cacophony of sights, sounds, and smells. The music is deafening, the lights are blinding, and the air is thick with the scent of cheap perfume and alcohol. It's like being trapped in a sensory deprivation chamber, except instead of being deprived, you're being overwhelmed.

The Bouncers: Keepers of the Gate

Getting past the bouncers at Martinique is a rite of passage in its own right. They're the gatekeepers of this hallowed institution, deciding who is worthy of entering the hallowed halls of drunkdom. Expect to be grilled about your fashion choices, dance moves, and your ability to hold your liquor. Pro tip: flattery and a generous tip can go a long way in greasing the palms of these arbiters of tastelessness.

The Dance Floor: A Battleground of Awkwardness

The dance floor at Martinique is a battlefield of cringeworthy moves and questionable fashion choices. Every self-proclaimed “dancer” has their own signature style, ranging from the pelvic thrusting “Jersey Bump” to the arm-flailing “White Girl Shuffle.” The only rule here is: if you're not making a fool of yourself, you're doing it wrong.

If You Know, You Know…

Why did the drunk Jersey girl cross the road?

Because she couldn't handle the GTL (gym, tan, laundry) without a “pickleback” (shot of whiskey followed by a shot of pickle juice).

Get Your Drunk On!

In conclusion, getting drunk in New Jersey, especially in Martinique, is a uniquely absurd and memorable experience. Whether you're looking for a night of cheap thrills, a good laugh, or an excuse to unleash your inner Jersey Shore persona, Martinique has got you covered. Just remember to pace yourself, wear comfortable shoes, and bring plenty of ibuprofen for the morning after. After all, getting drunk in New Jersey is not for the faint of heart (or liver).