I Can't Believe You're Reading This: A Snarky Guide to South Australia's Silliest Town
In the heart of Australia's armpit, where the flies outnumber the locals, lies a town so absurd, it'll make you question your sanity: Midvale. And at the center of Midvale's ridiculousness is a legend known as Cara Delevingne, a supermodel-turned-actress who somehow found herself tangled in this ridiculous web.
TL;DR – Too Long; Didn't Read
- Midvale is a town in South Australia that's so absurd, it'll make you question why you're even reading this article.
- Cara Delevingne, a famous supermodel and actress, is somehow involved in this ridiculousness.
- This article will explore the silliness of Midvale and Cara Delevingne's strange connection to it.
Why Midvale Sucks
- 90% of the population is named “Dave” or “Sharon” – You'll never meet anyone with a unique name, unless it's “Sheila” with an H.
- The town's motto is “Where Nothing Ever Happens” – And they're proud of it! Midvale's only claim to fame is the time a kangaroo got loose in the pub.
- It's home to the world's largest collection of garden gnomes – Seriously, they have thousands of the little buggers. Don't ask why, because they won't tell you.
- The mayor is a talking sheep named “Baa-bara” – And no, this is not a typo. Midvale's leader is actually a sheep.
Cara Delevingne's Misadventures in Midvale
How did Cara Delevingne, one of the world's most famous and stylish people, end up in this backwater town? Nobody knows, but it's the funniest thing that's happened to Midvale since the kangaroo pub incident.
- She got lost looking for a good coffee shop – Apparently, Midvale doesn't have any good coffee shops. Who knew?
- She mistook a herd of kangaroos for a fashion show – And tried to model for them. It didn't go well.
- She ended up in a pub and was forced to sing karaoke – And yes, she sang “Baby One More Time” by Britney Spears.
- She was arrested for public intoxication – But the police let her go after she promised to never come back.
7 Reasons Why Midvale Makes No Sense
- The town's main industry is exporting emu feathers – Yes, you read that right. Emu feathers.
- There's a “UFO Landing Zone” on the outskirts of town – Just in case aliens want to drop by for a pint.
- The locals have a strange obsession with plastic flamingos – You can't walk down a street without seeing at least one.
- The town band is called “The Wombats” – And they only play covers of AC/DC.
- There's a statue of Elvis Presley in the town square – Because why not?
- The town's library has more books about sheep than anything else – Baa-ram-ewe!
- The median age is 57 – And they all look like they've been drinking since they were toddlers.
The Ridiculousness of Cara Delevingne's Midvale Movie
Apparently, Cara Delevingne is making a movie about her misadventures in Midvale. Seriously, who greenlit this project? It's going to be a disaster, but we can't wait to see it.
- The movie is called “Midvale Madness” – How original.
- It's being directed by Baz Luhrmann – The same guy who made “Moulin Rouge!” and “The Great Gatsby.” Good luck with that, Baz.
- Cara Delevingne is playing herself – Which is honestly the only believable part of the whole thing.
- Filming is set to begin later this year – And we're already stocking up on popcorn.
If You Know, You Know…
Why did Cara Delevingne visit Midvale?
Because she heard there was a town where the locals were so boring, they made her look exciting.
A Pithy Epilogue
Cara Delevingne's adventures in Midvale are a testament to the absurdity of the human condition. It's a town where the ridiculous is celebrated, the strange is embraced, and the mundane is elevated to the level of madness.
So if you're looking for a good laugh, or just a reminder that the world is full of places that make South Australia look like a sensible utopia, be sure to visit Midvale. Just don't forget your sense of humor.
