Australia in New Jersey: A Case Study in the Absurd
TL;DR: Australia in New Jersey is a land of kangaroos, Vegemite, and politicians who make the Wallabies look like Rhodes scholars.
1. Down Under the Garden State
New Jersey, the so-called “Garden State,” is home to an unlikely foreign invader: Australia. Now, we're not talking about exiled criminals here, but rather a strange phenomenon where the Land Down Under has somehow colonized a small corner of our beloved Jersey Shore.
2. Kangaroos in Cape May
Believe it or not, kangaroos roam free in the wilds of Cape May. Yes, you read that right. The majestic marsupials, known for their bounciness and ability to kick the stuffing out of anything that crosses their path, have established a thriving ecosystem in this coastal enclave.
- Pro: Kangaroo meat tastes like chicken.
- Con: Kangaroos are known to steal beer from picnickers.
3. Vegemite: The Jersey Devil's Condiment of Choice
If kangaroos are the furry ambassadors of Australia in New Jersey, then Vegemite is its culinary calling card. This mysterious black substance, made from yeast extract, has a taste that can only be described as “salty, bitter, and slightly reminiscent of burnt toast.”
- Pro: Vegemite is high in vitamins B1 and B2.
- Con: It's also high in sodium and artificial flavors.
4. Political Shenanigans from the Sydney Opera House to Trenton
When it comes to political shenanigans, Australia and New Jersey are peas in a pod. From former government officials facing corruption charges to a governor who vanished without a trace, these two states share a rich heritage of making headlines for all the wrong reasons.
- Pro: At least our politicians are entertaining.
- Con: They're also a bit too fond of pork barrel projects.
5. The New Jersey Outback: Where the Jersey Devil Roams
Australia has the Outback, a vast and unforgiving wilderness. New Jersey has the Pine Barrens, a spooky and mosquito-infested wasteland. Both places are said to be home to legendary creatures.
- Pro: The Jersey Devil is said to have a terrifying scream.
- Con: The mosquitoes in the Pine Barrens are known to carry West Nile virus.
6. The Great Barrier Reef: Coastal Confusion in Jersey City
New Jersey has its own Great Barrier Reef, located off the coast of Jersey City. However, unlike its Australian namesake, this reef is made not of living coral but of abandoned bridges, rusted containers, and the ghosts of migrant workers.
- Pro: The Jersey City Reef provides a unique habitat for barnacles.
- Con: It's also a major source of pollution.
7. The Sydney Harbor Bridge: A Traffic Jam in Newark
The Sydney Harbor Bridge is an iconic landmark, connecting the north and south shores of Sydney. New Jersey has its own version, the Pulaski Skyway, which runs through Newark. However, instead of being a symbol of unity, the Pulaski Skyway is more like a giant headache, notorious for its traffic jams and crumbling infrastructure.
- Pro: The Pulaski Skyway offers a panoramic view of the Newark skyline.
- Con: You may spend hours looking at it if you get stuck in traffic.
Expansive Summary
Australia in New Jersey is a land of contradictions, a place where kangaroos roam free in a coastal paradise, where Vegemite reigns supreme as the culinary king, and where the political antics would make the Wallabies blush. From the Jersey Devil's playground in the Pine Barrens to the Great Barrier Reef of Jersey City, this unlikely union of two vastly different worlds is a testament to the absurdity of life in the Garden State. And who knows, maybe one day we'll see Aussies and Jerseyites riding kangaroos down the Pulaski Skyway, singing “Waltzing Matilda” with a hint of a Jersey accent.
