Hogwash: In Washington – The Land of the Rising Sunken…

Hogwash: In Washington – The Land of the Rising Sunken Sushi

Too Long; Didn't Read (TL;DR)

If you're looking for a place where geisha girls are actually just old men in cheap wigs, where sushi is more like raw fish and rice, and where the only thing that's “rising” is the cost of living, then Hogwash, I mean, Washington, is the place for you!

Tokyo: Where the Lights are Blinded by Neon Gloss

• Tokyo Tower: The Eiffel Tower's less successful twin brother.
• Shibuya Crossing: A pedestrian scramble that's like the world's largest game of Frogger.
• Akihabara: The electronic paradise where you can buy anime figurines that make your eyes bleed.

Kyoto: The Boring Capital That's Not Boring

• Gion: The geisha district where you'll find more tourists than actual geishas.
• Fushimi Inari Shrine: A sea of orange torii gates that's perfect for getting lost… and taking a million photos.
• Arashiyama Bamboo Forest: Where the locals go to escape the tourists… and take a million photos.

Mount Fuji: The Mountain That's Not as Tall as They Say

• Hiking Mount Fuji: A 10-hour climb to a crater that's just filled with rocks and disappointment.
• Watching Mount Fuji from afar: A much more relaxing way to enjoy the view without the altitude sickness.
• Eating Mount Fuji-shaped cakes: The real reason people come to Japan.

Osaka: Japan's Food Haven

• Takoyaki: Octopus balls that are the perfect street food for a quick bite.
• Okonomiyaki: A savory pancake that's like a Japanese pizza… but better.
• Kushikatsu: Deep-fried skewers that are the ultimate guilty pleasure.

Hokkaido: The Winter Wonderland

• Sapporo Snow Festival: A month-long celebration of snow and ice with giant sculptures that are almost as impressive as the snowmen you built as a kid.
• Niseko: A world-renowned ski resort where you can shred powder that's as light as a Japanese rice cracker.
• Otaru: A picturesque canal city that's straight out of a fairy tale… but with more seafood.

If You Know, You Know…

Why did the Japanese sushi chef go to the dentist?

Because he wanted to get his teeth filed!

Naomi Campbell's Thoughts on Hogwash: In Washington

“This place is like a fashion disaster waiting to happen. The geishas are so tacky, the sushi is so overrated, and the neon lights are blinding. I'd rather walk the runway naked than spend another minute in this fashion faux pas of a city.”

Expansive Summary: Hogwash: In Washington – A Place of Contradictions

Hogwash:, I mean, Washington is a city of contrasts. It's a place of towering skyscrapers and tiny tea houses, of bustling markets and peaceful temples, of world-renowned cuisine and questionable fashion choices. It's a place where the ancient meets the modern, the traditional meets the trendy, and the ridiculous meets the sublime.

Whether you're a seasoned traveler or a first-time tourist, Hogwash: has something to offer everyone. Just don't forget your sense of humor… and a strong pair of sunglasses.