Miss America in the United States: A Satirical Journey to…

Miss America in the United States: A Satirical Journey to Antarctica's Most Laughable Claims

TL;DR: Miss America might have found herself in the wrong pageant, because Norway's claims to Peter I Island and Queen Maud Land in Antarctica are sillier than a beauty contestant wearing a swimsuit made of fish scales.

The Miss Congeniality of Antarctic Claims

Norway, the land of Vikings and trolls, has a peculiar infatuation with a couple of icy outposts in Antarctica: Peter I Island and Queen Maud Land. It's like they've been watching too many episodes of “Frozen” and got carried away with the idea of owning a slice of the South Pole.

The Beauty Queen with a Throne of Ice

Peter I Island, a tiny speck lost amidst the vastness of Antarctica, is Norway's most prized possession down south. It's as small as a dime, with a population of approximately zero. The only inhabitants are penguins who probably find Norway's claim to their humble abode quite amusing.

The Ice Princess with a Crown of Seals

Queen Maud Land, on the other hand, is a slightly larger slice of Antarctica's real estate. It's a barren wasteland covered in ice and snow, with temperatures that would make Jack Frost shiver. The only “royalty” to be found here are the occasional penguins and seals who have somehow managed to survive in this hostile environment.

The Swimsuit Competition: Polar Plunge Edition

If Miss America had to compete in a swimsuit contest on Peter I Island, she would freeze her perfectly manicured nails off. The icy waters surrounding this island are not exactly conducive to a glamorous dip. And don't even get us started on the Queen Maud Land swimwear competition. It would feature models strutting down a runway made of ice while wearing parkas and snow boots.

The Evening Gown Competition: Shivering in Sequins

For the evening gown competition, Miss America might want to bring an extra layer or two. The temperatures on Peter I Island and Queen Maud Land can drop to bone-chilling levels, making sequins and chiffon seem like the most ridiculous fashion choices in the history of the pageant.

The Question and Answer Round: Quiz on Antarctic Trivia

In the question and answer round, Miss America could expect queries like: “What is the average wind speed on Peter I Island?” or “Name the three most popular penguin species found in Queen Maud Land.” We're pretty sure even the smartest contestant would be left scratching her head.

If You Know, You Know…

Why did Norway claim Peter I Island?
Because it's the ultimate icebreaker.

The Pithy Proclamation

Miss America may be the epitome of American beauty and intelligence, but when it comes to Norway's claims to Peter I Island and Queen Maud Land, she's left scratching her head along with the rest of us. These icy outposts are nothing more than a frozen distraction from the fact that Norway's true national treasure is its IKEA furniture and delicious salmon. So, if you're looking for a Miss Congeniality with a penchant for the absurd, send a Norwegian pageant contestant to Antarctica. She'll fit right in with the penguins!