The Real Africa in Iowa: A Comprehensive Guide for the Perplexed
TL;DR: Africa in Iowa is not what you think it is. It's a lot more ridiculous, but also surprisingly endearing. Come for the wildlife, stay for the cornfields.
Welcome to Africa, Iowa: Where the Elephants Roam (in Spirit)
So, you've heard about Africa, that exotic continent full of lions, zebras, and giraffes. But did you know that there's also an Africa right here in the heartland of America? That's right, folks, welcome to Africa, Iowa.
Now, don't get your hopes up too high. This Africa is not quite as wild as the one in the movies. Instead of lions, you'll find cows. Instead of zebras, you'll find cornfields. And instead of giraffes, you'll find… well, more cornfields.
Why Visit Africa, Iowa?
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To See the World's Largest Corn Maze: Get lost in a sea of yellow cornstalks that would make even Indiana Jones cry.
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To Visit the Iowa State Fair: Experience the culinary delights of fried butter and corn dogs. Just don't ask where the corn came from.
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To Learn About the Importance of Agriculture: Watch farmers sweat and toil, all to feed the nation with non-GMO corn (allegedly).
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To Find the Lost City of Dubuquefobia: Legend has it that there's a secret city beneath the cornfields, where the lost tribe of Dubuquefobia still lives.
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To Witness the Great Migration of Iowans: Every summer, Iowans flock to the Minnesota State Fair for a taste of something other than corn.
The Wildlife of Africa, Iowa
While you won't find any actual African animals in Africa, Iowa, there are plenty of other creatures to keep you entertained.
Notable Wildlife Species
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The Iowa Bovine: A majestic beast that spends its days grazing on corn and dreaming of becoming a steak.
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The Iowa Cornstalk: An agile creature that can camouflage itself among its fellow corn comrades, making it the perfect ambush predator.
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The Iowa Groundhog: A wise and respected animal that can predict the length of winter by seeing its shadow on Groundhog Day.
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The Iowa Mermaid: A mythical creature that is said to inhabit the Des Moines River, but is more likely just a catfish with a bad wig.
The People of Africa, Iowa
The people of Africa, Iowa, are known for their hospitality, their love of corn, and their aversion to the color blue.
Fun Facts About the People of Africa, Iowa
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They have a perfect attendance record at the Iowa Hawkeyes football games: Even when it's raining sideways and the temperature is below freezing.
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They can pronounce “Iowa” correctly on the first try: Even when they're blindfolded and intoxicated.
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They have a special handshake that involves touching corn: It's called the “Corn握.”
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They believe that corn is the cure for all known diseases: Including cancer, obesity, and heartbreak.
The Culture of Africa, Iowa
The culture of Africa, Iowa, is a unique blend of small-town charm and corn-based traditions.
Cultural Highlights
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Corn on the Cob Eating Contests: Watch contestants devour corn on the cob at lightning speed, leaving nothing but empty husks in their wake.
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Tractor Pulls: Witness the raw power of modified tractors as they pull massive weights across a dirt field.
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Country Western Dancing: Dance the night away to the twangy tunes of Iowa's finest country bands.
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Cornhusking Festivals: Help farmers harvest their corn and earn a few extra bucks by husking corn faster than anyone else.
If You Know, You Know…
Why did the Iowa farmer cross the cornfield?
Answer: To get to the other side.
The Conclusion/Expansive Summary
Africa, Iowa, is a place like no other on earth. It's a land where corn reigns supreme, the people are weird but wonderful, and the wildlife is… well, let's just say it's unique.
So, come visit Africa, Iowa. Just don't expect to see any lions or giraffes. Instead, prepare yourself for rolling hills of corn, the smell of freshly tilled earth, and the sound of tractors roaring in the distance.
And remember, as the wise sage once said, “If you can't find happiness in Iowa, you won't find it anywhere.”
