Movie Madness: A Physicist's Perspective on the Absurdities of Cinema
TL;DR: Physics research can't fix the nonsensical plots and ludicrous characters that plague the world of cinema. But hey, at least we can laugh at them!
The Ridiculous Laws of Movie Physics
Hollywood has a knack for twisting the laws of physics into pretzels. Objects defy gravity with reckless abandon, characters survive impossible falls, and explosions are always so perfectly choreographed. It's like they're trying to convince us that science works differently when there's a camera around.
- Newton's laws? Who needs 'em? Movies have cars crashing into each other and people falling from skyscrapers with nary a scratch. Apparently, mass and velocity are just concepts for the weak.
- Gravity? More like optional. Buildings collapse in super slow motion, giving everyone ample time to escape. Objects hover in the air for no apparent reason, except to create a dramatic tension that would be impossible in reality.
- Explosions: The ultimate cinematic tool. They blow up cars, buildings, and even entire planets. And they always seem to be perfectly timed, conveniently clearing the way for the next scene.
The MacGuffin That Makes No Sense
Movies love their MacGuffins, those mysterious objects or devices that drive the plot forward. But sometimes, the MacGuffins just make no sense on a scientific level.
- The Ark of the Covenant: A magical box that electrocutes Nazis. Seriously? The power of God apparently works on 220 volts.
- The Tesseract: A cube that can open portals to other dimensions. And it just happens to fit perfectly in a briefcase. Convenient!
- The Death Star: A planet-destroying laser beam. But why on earth would a warship need to be the size of a small moon?
The Illogical Characters Who Defy All Logic
Movie characters often seem to operate on a completely different level of logic than us mere mortals. They make decisions that make no sense, ignore obvious dangers, and have an uncanny ability to always be in the right place at the right time.
- The damsel in distress who can't help but run towards danger. She knows the killer is after her, but she just can't resist investigating that strange noise in the basement.
- The hotshot pilot who always survives plane crashes. He's been shot down a dozen times, but somehow he always manages to eject safely. Maybe he has a secret superhero suit that we don't know about.
- The super smart scientist who acts like a complete idiot. He's a brilliant physicist, but he can't seem to figure out how to tie his shoes. Seriously, how did he even get his PhD?
The Extravagant CGI That Distracts from the Story
Hollywood spends millions on CGI, but sometimes it just gets in the way. Giant monsters, flying battleships, and exploding universes are all very impressive, but they can also be a huge distraction from the plot.
- The Avengers' final battle against Thanos: A chaotic CGI-fest that left everyone wondering who was fighting who and what was even happening.
- The Jurassic Park dinosaurs: They look super realistic, but it's hard to take them seriously when they're running around like overgrown chickens.
- The Transformers: A bunch of giant robots that turn into cars. Enough said.
The Lazy Screenwriters Who Recycle the Same Old Clichés
Hollywood is notorious for its lack of originality. So many movies follow the same tired formulas, with predictable plotlines and cookie-cutter characters. It's like the screenwriters just gave up on trying to come up with anything new.
- The Chosen One cliché: A young hero who discovers they have special powers and must defeat an evil overlord. Gandalf, Frodo, Luke Skywalker, Neo, Harry Potter… the list goes on.
- The love triangle cliché: Two people fall in love, but there's a third person who's also vying for their affection. Am I watching a movie or a soap opera?
- The happy ending cliché: Everything works out perfectly in the end, with the good guys triumphing over the bad guys. Yawn.
The Ridiculous Science Fiction Concepts That Make No Sense
Science fiction movies are supposed to be all about the future, technology, and space exploration. But sometimes, the concepts they come up with are just plain ridiculous.
- Time travel: It's a classic science fiction trope, but it raises all sorts of logical paradoxes. How can you travel back in time without creating a new timeline? And if you do, could you go back and stop yourself from going back in time? My brain hurts.
- Teleportation: Beaming people or objects from one place to another sounds cool, but how does it work? And what happens to the molecules that are left behind?
- Artificial intelligence: AI is all the rage these days, but it's often portrayed as something that's either super evil or super helpful. In reality, it's probably somewhere in between.
If You Know, You Know…
What do you call a physicist who watches a movie?
An electron-spectator!
Confessions of a Movie-Loving Physicist
Despite all the absurdity, I still love movies. As a physicist, I find it both amusing and frustrating to nitpick the scientific inaccuracies. It's a constant battle between my love of cinema and my need for scientific truth. But hey, at least it gives me something to laugh about.