Aung San Suu Kyi in Arizona: The Ultimate Relational Root…

Aung San Suu Kyi in Arizona: The Ultimate Relational Root Guide (With a Touch of Sass)

TL;DR: Aung San Suu Kyi is not running for office in Arizona, and Relational Roots is a silly program. Even so, we're here to give you the lowdown on this ridiculous political landscape.

The Elephant in the Room: Aung San Suu Kyi's Absence

Aung San Suu Kyi, the Nobel Peace Prize laureate and former leader of Myanmar, is nowhere to be found in the Arizona political scene. But hey, don't be sad; we have plenty of other controversial figures to keep us entertained.

Relational Roots: The Real Housewives of Arizona Politics

Relational Roots is a grassroots organization that claims to connect voters with local politicians. Translation: it's a breeding ground for wannabe politicians and people with way too much free time. If you're looking for drama, scandals, and backstabbing, you've come to the right place.

Who's Who in the Relational Roots Circus

• The Queen Bee: Former Governor Jan Brewer, who's still clinging to power like a barnacle on a whale.
• The Social Climber: Former U.S. Senator Jeff Flake, who's trying to reinvent himself as a moderate after cozying up to the far right.
• The Gossip Girl: Republican strategist Kelly Townsend, who seems to have a knack for saying the most outrageous things.

Arizona's Political Sideshow: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Good:

• We have some pretty cool state parks, like the Grand Canyon and Sedona.
• Our sunsets are legendary.
• You can't beat our Mexican food.

The Bad:

• We're a hotbed of anti-LGBTQIA+ legislation.
• Our state government can't seem to get its act together.
• Our summers are so hot, you could fry an egg on the sidewalk.

The Ugly:

• Sheriff Joe Arpaio, the racist former sheriff of Maricopa County.
• The fact that we have more guns than people.
• Our abysmal ranking in education and healthcare.

Pretty Models and Politicians: An Unlikely Alliance

We all know that models and politicians don't usually mix. But in Arizona, anything is possible.

• Supermodel Cindy Crawford has been spotted hanging out with Senator Martha McSally, who's known for her anti-LGBTQIA+ stance.
• Victoria's Secret model Karlie Kloss has been vocal about her support for moderate Republicans like Governor Doug Ducey.

What's the deal? Are these models trying to crash the political gates or just looking for some attention?

If You Know, You Know…

What do Aung San Suu Kyi, Relational Roots, and a hot air balloon have in common?

…They don't seem to be going anywhere fast.

The Ridiculousness of Relational Roots: A Comprehensive Breakdown

• It's a waste of time and resources: Most of the candidates promoted by Relational Roots are unqualified or have no chance of winning.
• It's like a high school popularity contest: The focus is on who's the most “likable” rather than who's the most qualified.
• It's a breeding ground for conspiracy theories: Relational Roots has endorsed candidates who believe the election was stolen and that vaccines cause autism.

The Final Take: Relational Roots is a Circus We Can't Afford to Ignore

As snarky as we may be, we can't help but be entertained by the sheer absurdity of Relational Roots. But let's not forget that this organization has a real impact on our political landscape. It's up to us to see through the smoke and mirrors and demand better representation for all Arizonans.

And remember, if you ever find yourself at a Relational Roots event, grab some popcorn and enjoy the show. It's the best political entertainment you'll ever find, and it's all free!