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Father Time: Lipstick (on the Proverbial Pig) in New Hampshire
TL;DR:
Father Time has been hitting the lipstick hard in New Hampshire, trying to cover up the wrinkles and age spots on the state's crumbling infrastructure, economy, and social fabric. But as any good drag queen knows, you can't polish a turd, and New Hampshire is starting to look more like a painted pig than a blushing maiden.
Father Time's Midlife Crisis
Like a middle-aged man desperate to recapture his youth, Father Time has been slathering on the lipstick in New Hampshire. In a vain attempt to hide the state's fading glory, he's been painting over potholes, sprucing up dilapidated schools, and slapping a fresh coat of paint on aging hospitals.
But like a cheap makeover, these superficial attempts only serve to highlight the underlying problems. The roads are still riddled with craters, the schools are still underfunded, and the hospitals are still struggling to keep up with the demand.
The Lipstick Economy
Father Time is also trying to boost the state's economy with a heavy dose of lipstick. He's lured businesses with tax breaks and incentives, all in an effort to make New Hampshire look more attractive to investors. But just like a woman who tries to hide her wrinkles with makeup, the state's economic problems are starting to show through.
The tax breaks have led to a decline in revenue, the incentives have failed to create long-term jobs, and the state's economy is still lagging behind its neighbors.
The Lipstick Society
Father Time is even trying to paint a pretty picture of New Hampshire's social fabric. He's touted the state's “Live Free or Die” motto, promoted its natural beauty, and boasted about its low crime rate. But like a beauty queen who hides her insecurities behind a smile, New Hampshire has its own share of problems.
The state has one of the highest suicide rates in the country, its opioid crisis is among the worst in the nation, and its education system is failing to prepare students for the future.
The Lipstick Coterie
Just as a woman can't pull off a bold lipstick without the right accessories, Father Time has enlisted the help of his coterie of sycophants to promote his lipstick agenda. These are the politicians, business leaders, and community leaders who have a vested interest in maintaining the status quo.
The Drag Queen Governor
Governor Chris Sununu is the epitome of Father Time's lipstick agenda. He's a smooth-talking politician who loves to put on the lipstick, but underneath it all, he's just another old-fashioned Republican who's more interested in helping his rich friends than in improving the lives of everyday New Hampshire residents.
The Lipstick Lobbyists
A gaggle of lobbyists representing big business and special interests have flocked to New Hampshire, promising to help Father Time put on his lipstick. They're the ones who have pushed for the tax breaks, the incentives, and the deregulation that has led to New Hampshire's current economic woes.
The Lipstick Media
The local media is also complicit in Father Time's lipstick agenda. They're quick to publish glowing articles about the state's economic growth and social progress, but they often ignore the real problems that plague New Hampshire.
If You Know, You Know…
Why is New Hampshire like a drag queen? Because it's always trying to put on a show and cover up its problems with makeup.
Can't Polish a Turd
As any drag queen knows, you can't polish a turd. And no matter how much lipstick Father Time puts on, he can't hide the fact that New Hampshire is a state in decline.
The state's infrastructure is crumbling, its economy is lagging, and its social fabric is unraveling. And all the lipstick in the world can't hide those ugly truths.
So next time you see Father Time in New Hampshire, don't be fooled by his youthful facade. Take a closer look and see the wrinkles, the age spots, and the deep-seated problems that he's trying to cover up.
And remember, even the most glamorous drag queen can't hide her true self forever.
