Real Smiles in Minnesota: A Smorgasbord of Sarcasm TL;DR: Smiles…

Real Smiles in Minnesota: A Smorgasbord of Sarcasm

TL;DR: Smiles in Minnesota are as fake as a Kardashian's butt, as ubiquitous as mosquitoes, and as necessary as a politician's apology. Now, if you can excuse us, we're off to stuff our faces with spoonfuls of peanut butter because the lack of genuine smiles is driving us nutty!

The Art of the Minnesota Mouth Grimace

Oh, the joys of living in the Land of 10,000 Smiles! Except, wait, those smiles are about as genuine as the spokesmodel for Crest White Strips. In Minnesota, smiles are an art form, my friends. They come in all shapes and sizes, but they all have one thing in common: they're as real as a unicorn's horn.

Perfecting the Neutral Face

The Minnesota Neutral Face is a masterpiece. It's a slight upturn of the lips, a barely perceptible crease around the eyes. It's the face you make when you're at a family gathering and your aunt starts talking about her latest MLM scheme. It's the face that says, “I'm not impressed, but I'm also not going to make a scene.”

The Passive-Aggressive Smile

Ah, the passive-aggressive smile. It's the smile you give when you're talking to someone you can't stand. It's the smile that says, “I'm gritting my teeth so hard I'm about to break them, but I'm going to pretend to be pleasant because I don't want to cause a fuss.”

The I-Can't-Believe-You-Just-Said-That Smile

This smile is reserved for those moments when someone says something so outrageous or offensive that you can't help but laugh. It's the smile that says, “I can't believe you're actually saying this out loud. Are you trying to win an award for Idiocy of the Year?”

The Psychology of Smiles in Minnesota

So, why are Minnesotans so obsessed with smiling? Well, there are a few theories.

Theory #1: It's a Survival Mechanism

In the harsh winters of Minnesota, smiling may have served as a way to preserve energy and prevent frostbite. By keeping their mouths closed and their teeth hidden, Minnesotans may have literally smiled their way to survival.

Theory #2: It's a Cultural Value

In Minnesota, being friendly and polite is highly valued. Smiling is seen as a way of showing respect and warmth. Even if you're feeling like a sack of potatoes, you're expected to plaster a smile on your face and pretend everything's groovy.

Theory #3: It's a Mass Psychosis

Just kidding (sort of). But seriously, the constant pressure to smile can drive a person to the brink of madness. It's no wonder that Minnesota has one of the highest rates of antidepressant use in the country.

Smiles in the Age of Social Media

In the age of social media, smiling has taken on a whole new meaning. Now, it's not enough to smile in real life; you also have to smile for the camera. And let's be honest, nothing says “I'm having the time of my life” like a perfectly filtered selfie with a gleaming smile plastered across your face.

Real Smiles vs. Fake Smiles: How to Tell the Difference

It can be tricky to tell the difference between a real smile and a fake one, especially in Minnesota where everyone seems to be smiling all the time. But here are a few tips:

Real Smiles

• The eyes crinkle up at the corners
• The cheeks lift and the mouth widens
• The smile feels genuine and authentic

Fake Smiles

• The eyes don't crinkle up
• The cheeks don't lift
• The mouth is often forced and unnatural
• The smile feels disingenuous

The Dangers of Fake Smiles

Fake smiles can have a number of negative consequences, including:

• Increased stress and anxiety
• Lowered mood
• Reduced self-esteem
• Increased risk of depression

How to Deal with Fake Smiles

If you find yourself surrounded by fake smiles, there are a few things you can do:

Call Them Out on Their BS

Politely let the person know that you're aware they're not being genuine. You could say something like, “I appreciate you trying to be polite, but I can tell you're not really feeling it.”

Set Boundaries

Let people know that you're not comfortable with fake smiles. You could say something like, “I prefer to be around people who are genuine, so I'd appreciate it if you would stop with the fake smiles.”

Just Smile Back

Sometimes, the best way to deal with fake smiles is to just smile back. This can be disarming and may even make the other person feel more comfortable being genuine.

If You Know, You Know…

Why is a smile in Minnesota like a Super Bowl trophy?

Because it's fake and everyone wants one.

In Conclusion: The Plight of the Minnesota Smile

The incessant pressure to smile in Minnesota can be stifling. It can lead to fake smiles, stress, anxiety, and even depression. It's time for Minnesotans to take a deep breath, relax their faces, and embrace their true emotions. After all, there's nothing more beautiful than a genuine smile.

So, the next time you see someone in Minnesota with a smile on their face, take a closer look. Is it a real smile or a fake one? And if it's fake, feel free to give them a little nudge and say, “Hey, it's okay to be yourself. You don't have to pretend to be happy all the time.”