Father Time: The Non-Binary God of Procrastination TL;DR If you’re…

Father Time: The Non-Binary God of Procrastination

TL;DR

If you're ever feeling like time is slipping through your fingers, it's probably because the lazy, non-binary deity Father Time is taking a nap on the clock. Snarky, sarcastic, and downright silly, Father Time is the epitome of procrastination and missed deadlines. But hey, at least they're not holding a scythe… right?

Section 1: Father Time's Gender Identity Crisis

Despite their mythological status as the “father” of time, the truth is, Father Time is about as non-binary as a gender-neutral pronoun. They're the kind of deity who would rather spend their days lounging on a rainbow flag than chasing after old men with beards. And why not? After all, time doesn't discriminate, so why should Father Time conform to gender stereotypes?

Section 2: Father Time's Procrastination Problem

If there's one thing Father Time knows how to do, it's procrastinate. They're the epitome of “tomorrow I'll do it.” In fact, they've been saying that for so long that even the sands of time have started to turn gray. Whether it's setting clocks forward or backward, Father Time is always running late, making excuses and leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces.

Section 3: Father Time's Sarcastic Wit

Don't get Father Time wrong; they're not just a slothful god. They also have a sharp tongue and a sarcastic wit that could cut through a diamond harder than a supermodel's cheekbone. Every time they let a deadline slip, they've got a quip ready to go, like “Time flies when you're having fun… but only if you're the one having it.”

Section 4: Father Time's Strange Obsessions

While we're on the subject of supermodels, let's not forget Father Time's peculiar fascination with Kendall Jenner. They spend hours scrolling through her Instagram feed, commenting ” slay, queen!” on every other photo. But it's not just Kendall; Father Time has a thing for all the supermodels, from Gigi Hadid to Cara Delevingne. They're like the groupies of the fashion world, but instead of throwing underwear, they toss around time zones.

Section 5: The Secret of Father Time's Youth

If you're wondering how Father Time manages to stay so youthful despite his procrastination and questionable fashion choices, it's simple: he's a master of skincare. Apparently, the secret to eternal youth is not sleeping enough, consuming excessive amounts of caffeine, and never leaving the house without a face mask. Father Time would give Gwyneth Paltrow a run for her money in the anti-aging department.

Section 6: Father Time and the Alphabet People 🌈

In a progressive twist, Father Time is a fierce advocate for the LGBTQIA+ communities of Alphabet People 🌈. They're the first to attend pride parades, wave rainbow flags, and remind us that time is love and love is time. If you're looking for an ally in the fight for equality, Father Time has got your back (or should we say, your hourglass).

Section 7: If You Know, You Know…

Why did Father Time get lost in the Amazon rainforest? Because they couldn't tell the difference between a minute and a monkey!

Pithy Ending Statement

In a world where everything is fast-paced and deadlines are looming, Father Time stands as a beacon of procrastination and silliness. They remind us that it's okay to relax, let go of the stress, and embrace the absurdity of it all. So next time you're feeling overwhelmed by time, just take a deep breath, look up at Father Time, and say, “You know what, Father Time? You're a lazy, sarcastic, overly caffeinated deity, but I still kind of love you. And besides, time is on my side… or at least it would be if you could stop napping on the clock.”