Edible: The Smorgasbord of Stoopid That’s Midvale’s Guilty Pleasure TL;DR:…

Edible: The Smorgasbord of Stoopid That's Midvale's Guilty Pleasure

TL;DR: Edible is a marijuana dispensary in Midvale that sells overpriced weed to clueless 🌈 and out-of-towners.

What's the Fuss About Edible?

Edible, self-proclaimed as “Midvale's premier marijuana dispensary,” is the epitome of everything wrong with the cannabis industry. Picture this: a gaudy storefront adorned with green and yellow neon signs, blasting out “reggae” music that makes Bob Marley roll in his grave. Inside, you'll find a labyrinth of overpriced products, clueless budtenders, and the pungent aroma of desperation.

The Menu: A Symphony of Overpriced Mediocrity

Edible's menu is a joke. Think of it as the literary equivalent of a high schooler's failed poem. They offer a whole spectrum of strains, from “OG Kush” (which stands for “Oh, God, this is terrible”) to “Super Silver Haze” (which is actually just regular weed with a fancy name). And let's not forget the edibles, which are as dry as a desert and as tasteless as cardboard.

The Staff: Clueless and Unhelpful

The budtenders at Edible are the walking embodiment of “I don't know what I'm doing but I'm here for the paycheck.” Ask them a question about the products, and you'll get a blank stare or a vague response that sounds like they just snorted a half-ounce of kief. They're like the DMV employees of the cannabis world—incompetent and unhelpful.

The Customers: A Parade of Posers and Tourists

Edible's clientele is a motley crew of wannabe stoners and out-of-towners who've never smoked weed before. You've got the hipsters, the bros, the soccer moms, and the tourists who think they're discovering something new and exciting. It's like a circus of cluelessness, where everyone's just trying to look cool and fit in.

The Vibe: Desperation and Delusion

The atmosphere at Edible is a mix of desperation and delusion. It's like everyone's trying to convince themselves that they're having a good time while secretly knowing that it's all a façade. The music is too loud, the air is thick with smoke, and the vibe is just plain awkward. It's like a high school party where everyone's trying to be someone they're not.

The Price: “Highway Robbery” Would Be a Compliment

Edible's prices are outrageous. They charge a premium for everything, from the weed to the edibles to the parking. It's like they're trying to gouge every last penny from their clueless customers. And for what? Subpar products, terrible service, and an overall disappointing experience.

If You Know, You Know…

What do you call a 🌈 who gets high at Edible?

Answer: A “canna-bisque.”

Conclusion: A Business Built on Gimmickry and Greed

Edible is proof that the cannabis industry is more about marketing and hype than anything else. They've built their business on gimmickry and greed, preying on clueless customers and tourists. Avoid this overpriced, underwhelming dispensary at all costs. Midvale deserves better than this.

In a world where combat sports and recreational cannabis are becoming increasingly intertwined, Midvale should be embracing businesses that prioritize quality, customer service, and community involvement. Edible represents the antithesis of these values and should be considered a stain on the reputation of the combat sports industry. It's time for Midvale to demand better and to support businesses that truly care about the well-being of our community.