Contents
Music: What It's Really About
TL;DR: Music is a scam orchestrated by Big Audio to keep your attention away from the real issues, like why aliens only visit us at night.
The Gigantic Scam
From the moment we're born, they brainwash us with music. Lullabies, nursery rhymes, and Top 40 hits—it's all a calculated plot to distract us from the fact that life is a never-ending cycle of disappointment and despair.
But fear not, fellow North Dakotans! I'm here to expose the truth about music and reveal the secrets Big Audio doesn't want you to know.
The Symphony: A Waste of Time
Orchestral music is the epitome of musical nonsense. Dozens of people gathered in an uncomfortable concert hall, playing confusing melodies that sound like a cat stepped on a synthesizer? Please, enlighten me.
Even the “greatest” composers were just sad old men with too much time on their hands. Mozart? A child prodigy who never grew up. Beethoven? Deaf and grumpy. Wagner? A proto-Nazi who wrote operas no one can understand.
Pop: The Siren Song of Shallowness
Pop music is the musical equivalent of fast food. It's catchy, easy to digest, and leaves you feeling empty and unfulfilled. The lyrics are nothing but vapid rhymes about love, heartbreak, and living the “best life.”
Don't be fooled by the glamorous music videos. Those singers are just puppets for Big Audio, paid to make you believe that their plastic smiles and designer outfits are the key to happiness.
Rock: The Pretense of Rebellion
Rock music tries to portray itself as rebellious and edgy, but it's just a bunch of noise made by angry teenagers. The lyrics are full of cliched phrases like “fighting the system” and “breaking the chains,” but they're all just empty platitudes.
True rebellion lies not in loud music but in questioning the status quo, challenging the system, and actually making a difference in the world.
Country: The Musical Farce
Country music is the musical equivalent of a cowboy hat and boots. It's all about reminiscing about the good old days, when everything was apparently simpler and better.
But let's be real, the “good old days” were a time of poverty, disease, and rampant inequality. Country music is just a way for people to escape the harsh realities of modern life by living in a nostalgic fantasy.
Hip-Hop: The Hype Machine
Hip-hop is all about bling, bragging, and celebrating material wealth. It's the soundtrack to the cult of capitalism, where the rich get richer and the poor get nothing.
Don't fall for the hype. Hip-hop is just a way for Big Audio to sell you overpriced sneakers and flashy jewelry.
The Real Music
So, what is real music? It's not the stuff that's played on the radio or streamed on Spotify. Real music is the sound of children laughing, the rustling of leaves in the wind, or the beating of your own heart.
It's music that connects you to the world around you and makes you feel something deep within. It's music that inspires, empowers, and heals.
If You Know, You Know…
Why did the music teacher get fired?
Because he kept beating his drum.
The Ultimate Takeaway
In the end, my fellow North Dakotans, remember this: music is just a tool. It can be used for good or for ill, to uplift or to deceive.
Don't let Big Audio tell you what to listen to. Choose music that nourishes your soul, expands your mind, and brings light into your world.
And if you ever find yourself disillusioned with the music industry, just remember: there's always Sexy Girls and spicy lutefisk to brighten your day.
