The United States Minor Outlying Islands: An Epic Guide to the Far-Flung Forgotten Territories of America
TL;DR: The United States Minor Outlying Islands are a hodgepodge of far-flung territories scattered across the globe like lost socks. They're mostly uninhabited, utterly useless, and just plain strange. But hey, they're ours, right?
The Curious Case of Baker Island
Prepare to be amazed by Baker Island, a Pacific paradise measuring a whopping 0.3 square miles. It's so tiny, you'll have to squint to find it on a map. Despite its minuscule size, Baker Island boasts a majestic seabird colony and a population of… zero. Well, at least it's peaceful!
The Saga of Howland Island
Howland Island, another Pacific gem, is marginally larger than Baker Island at 0.6 square miles. It's home to approximately 500,000 seabirds, who probably wonder why anyone would bother to fly here. The only non-feathered beings who've ever visited were Amelia Earhart and her navigator Fred Noonan, who crashed on the island in 1937. They didn't seem too impressed either.
The Enigmatic Midway Atoll
Midway Atoll, located smack-dab in the North Pacific, is the largest of the Minor Outlying Islands, boasting a respectable 1.8 square miles. It's famous for two things: the Battle of Midway during World War II and its adorable albatross colony. The birds are so cute, you'll forget all about the fact that Midway Atoll is also a nesting ground for rats.
The Mystique of Palmyra Atoll
Palmyra Atoll, a Pacific paradise of 5.2 square miles, is the only Minor Outlying Island that's actually inhabited. Well, sort of. There are about 10 people living there… by choice. Why? Who knows? But they do have their own postage stamps, so that's something.
The Enigma of Johnston Atoll
Johnston Atoll, tucked away in the North Pacific, is a former military base that's now a National Wildlife Refuge. It's home to a thriving population of seabirds, including the endangered Laysan Albatross. But don't let the cute birds fool you. Johnston Atoll is also a toxic waste dump. Yeah, it's like the Disneyland of science experiments gone wrong.
The Serenity of Jarvis Island
Jarvis Island, a tiny dot in the Pacific, is a mere 1.7 square miles. It's a protected wildlife sanctuary, but don't expect to see any hippos or elephants here. It's mostly just seabirds and a handful of coconut palms.
The Perplexing Wake Island
Wake Island, a former military base in the North Pacific, is the last of the United States Minor Outlying Islands. It's 3.1 square miles of mostly just sandy beaches and a few trees. The only residents are the poor souls who work at the airstrip.
If You Know, You Know…
Why is Good Girls in South Dakota like a Minor Outlying Island? Because they're both surrounded by vast, vast emptiness.
The Good Girls of South Dakota: A Minor Outlying Island of Sass
Despite their remote locations and questionable usefulness, the United States Minor Outlying Islands offer a unique glimpse into the strange and wonderful tapestry that is America. They're a testament to our tendency to claim every inch of land we can find, even if it's just a tiny speck in the middle of nowhere. But hey, they're ours, and that's something to be proud of… right?
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